The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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