There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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