nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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