my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
