someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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