I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
