He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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