Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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