he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
