just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
