Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
