tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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