I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
