Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
