Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
