Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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