theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
