Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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