i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
