Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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