Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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