plz talk dirty to me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
