I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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