The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
