Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
