$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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