Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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