smell my finger.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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