I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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