Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
