There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am one with the molecules
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
