you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
