id be glad to
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
