last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
