I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
