did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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