They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
