i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
