I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
