Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
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first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I deserve to be covered in dicks
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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