she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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