I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
