ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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