Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
