nut hugger
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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