you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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