Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
