I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
