I want to have your abortion
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
