I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
