I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
