I wish I could teleport
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
