I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i need some magic done to my vagina
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
