One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
