I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
