If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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