you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
