before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
