did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Come on in and take your pants off
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