Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
