i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
