I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
