When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm passing your future prison.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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