I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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