stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
