I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
