Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
