We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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