Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
