9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
