Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish my penis had an off switch
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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