My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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