There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
