You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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