It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
