Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
